The captain goes down with his ship

Har en jättejobbig magkänsla, skriver nog när jag kan sätta fingret på den.. Eller egentligen har jag redan satt fingret på den, gjorde det idag. Fast det kan jag nog inte ta upp i bloggen. FAN SKITJOBBIGT, VART ÄR RAKBLADET?!

...okej inte så extremt, men lite så känns det.

Earth hour 20:30 tonight!

Shiny walls of gold, how I wish I never grow old

Whoop. I think this needs to be mentioned. I am going to the introduction course with my mother, a step crucial for me to start driving! I just felt this sudden urge to start practice for my licence as I couldn't go to the Volleyball tournament part of due to the lack of chauffeurs. If I had only had my licence.. Well this is on step closer on the way.  

What else? With sleep deprivation I went to school. Those freaking reflection analyses weren't as bad as I thought they would be, but that I didn't know last night. Right? Tired as I was after very little sleep I went up 05.30 a.m and took a shower. Then decided what to wear and I realized that I followed the schedule perfectly, I would have time to eat breakfast without stress this morning! And guess what happens, for the first time ever I decided to eat oatmeal, which of course blew up in the microwave. There was almost no oatmeal left in the bowl and I had to spend my morning cleaning out the microwave, causing me to miss my bus and eat no breakfast at all. Great start Lisa, great.

Some pics from last weekend at Ingarö. :))

Give a little bit of your love to me

Sexy lab partners. We were dissecting heart, lungs and other organs of lamb today. It is always a little creepy, and when you touch it with your hand you cannot not do the "ueeeek" sound. But after a while you get used to it. Me and Emelie sat and stroke our fingers over the lungs and discussed how soft they were. Haha. Actually it is very fascinating and not as scary as it might look, but the smell on the other hand..

The thunder before the lightning, the breathe before the kiss

Almost started crying in school today. Freaking volleyball. When walking home though I found these little beautiful flowers. I love spring, better times are always ahead. I feel like my life is starting to get under control again. I feel comfortable with were I am now, both physically and mentally. I know what I want.

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?

I could have been a princess, you'd be a king

Me, Annie (probably 16 years old?) and Happy on the floor.

The sun before the burn, the walk before the run

På något sätt känner jag mig lugn. Jag är så jäkla bra, jag är bäst helt enkelt. Det finns ingen som är som jag, inte någonstans. Jag är snäll, snygg, smart, studerande, stenrik (ja, på just sten) och satans awesome. Det är okej att boosta sig själv lite då och då. De som inte känner mig har missat något. Fan vad bra jag är, helt underbar.

Hur kommer det sig att det är så svårt att se sig själv, det som man är bra på? Häromveckan skulle jag berätta inför en grupp, två saker som jag är bra på. Inte typ "jag är bra på att spela en låt på piano" etc, utan mera djupa saker. Det var hur somhelst jättejobbigt för mig. Varför ska det vara så svårt att gräva lite i sig själv, är man rädd för vad man kan hitta? Fast nej, så borde det ju inte vara, eftersom man känner sig själv bättre än någon annan. Eller?

Hrm, skulle det kunna vara rädslan för att verka för självgod? Hur mycket "vågar" vi prisa oss själva när andra hör på. Det varierar självklart från person till person, en blyg och en utåtriktad (jag påstår nödvändigtvis inte att dessa är motsatser). Den ena kan se uppgiften som nästintill omöjlig, att våga visa upp sig och sina starka sidor i rädslan för att ta plats. Medans detta för den självsäkra är vardagsmat. Intressant hur vi kan vara så olika. Undra vart jag står någonstans.

Det är nästan så att en reflektionstur på moppen skulle behövas.

Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

Last night (yes, Sunday) Amanda and Andrea's CD (hehe) party took place. It was so much fun and the music was amazing. I was so tired though and the new time change didn't really contribute in a helpful way. A very wise decision was made this morning laying in bed, "I am not going to school" and that's what happened. I am trying to think it was for the common good, I obviously did the class a favour when not showing up. Honestly I got scared when I looked myself in the mirror this morning, not a pretty sight. My lips are still a little bit purple too. The theme was "come as a song" and I was Back in Black with The Hives. Gr8.

Me, Jenny, Emma and Nelly

Have you ever thrown a fistful of glitter in the air?

Saturday. Me and Erik met up with my sister (Annie) and her son Ossian in Slussen. We took the car to Ingarö to spend the afternoon out there in the beautiful spring weather. It was one of the best spent days in a really long time. We ate waffles and laxsoppa (salmon soup, doesn't sound as good in english I realize). Erik and I played with Ossain and then went for the first scooter ride of the year! The wind in your hair, the feel of the ocean breeze with the sun on your face. It is impossible to not be happy.

However I was thinking that I would go home and spend the night at home but I changed my mind and stayed. A good decision, it feels good to just stay there and relax. Sunday afternoon (also the waffleday!) I had a spa day in the sauna and then ate kladdkaka in the sun.

I trust my feeling is true, come be royal blue

Yesterday was spent part time in school working on our English project again. But before school me and Jenny worked out at 7 a.m in the freaking morning. We both came to the conclusion that we are out of our minds. Anyway, it always feels good afterwards so it was worth not sleeping in.

On my way home from school I bought naturgodis and then relaxed at home for a couple of hours, I am also trying to learn a new piano song. It was a really long time ago since I last played..

In the evening I met up with Teo and we were supposed to be a little spontaneous but deep inside I think we both knew that we would go fika. But however this time we came up with the smart idea of going to clarion hotel and see wheter we could order something in their upstairs bar (with a very nice view). Haha, and guess what, we just walked straight into their bar/club without having to show id. Probably the most expensive beer I will ever order again, but it was totally worth it.  

 The weather was really nice, hope that shows. The other picture shows the school bag that I sometimes use. :))

The water is warm, still it's sending me shivers

I found this photo of Erik on my computer, it is hard to believe it was taken almost two years ago now. I have the best little brother.

I get claustrophobic, all these open doors around

I wonder what to do with my hair.. Should I color it again or just leave it and let the dark color fade? Unfortunately the roots will start to show in the contrast of the henna, humph. Here're some pics of my color history, I couldn't find the super old pics on this computer though, I'll save them for another day. Hah.

 I know, I am ridiculously tan! hehhehe. 

Hrm. some pictures are way before Estados Unidos as you can see. 

I finally opened my arms wide, finally I let you inside

Är det på gränsen till elakt eller är det bara jag som inte kan spelets regler? Kanske lite av båda delarna.

I was two steps from hell

Igår kände jag inte igen mig själv, det tror jag inte nya klassen gjorde heller. I vanliga fall brukar jag inte låta det visas att jag är på dåligt humör (är väldigt sällan det i och för sig), men igår gick det inte att undvika. Gång på gång under dagen försökte jag börja om, som om jag nyss vaknat och klivit upp ur sängen en underbar morgon. Inte heller det gick, det var som om ett svart moln förföljde mig. Det kändes som om jag skulle bryta ihop vilken sekund som helst, fick en fasad som blev oerhört tung att upprätthålla. Det värsta för mig var nog att jag inte förstog varför jag var så oerhört deppig. Var det någonting som hade hänt, något som sagts eller något som jag registrerat i mitt undermedvetna? Jag vet inte. 

Även om det suger, så tror jag att alla måste ha/behöver ha en deppdag ibland. Det är en dag då det är okej att vara ledsen över ingenting. Man kan samla kraft och energi för att sedan göra comeback och har världens bästa dag imorgon istället. Så gjorde jag. Gud vilken härlig dag jag har haft idag, jag har det så himla bra! 

Efter idag belönade jag mig med en bulle på promenaden hem från Södra Station. Matteprovet kändes som om det gick bra faktiskt, skönt. 

Ossian Video

I put some videos together that I found on my computer. :))

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Jävla helvete skit. Bussen kör inte till södra, springer tillbaka från zinken. Kommer till södra och alla tågen är inställda. Orkar fan inte mer.

If love is all you have and all you need, why are all these people living life in misery?

This morning.. I feel like I don't even know where to start. I missed the bus outside my house as usual. I went to Skanstull and caught "3:ans" bus and went to Rosenlund. When I get off I see "4:ans" bus and I catch that one the little short ride that's left to the train station (södra station). I did my calculations and figured out that I would have approximately 8 minutes to spare at the station when suddenly the bus turns and goes the other direction?!

I have a slight suspicion that the busdriver might have said something about not going to "södra station", but I was listening to music, so how would I know? Anyhow, I was a little chocked and shaky when I got off at Zinkensdam and realized that I definitely missed my train. I ran (walked fast) back to Södra and got lost, had to ask for directions and I arrived to the station exactly one minute before the departure of the next train. Peeewh. Luckily I had someone still waiting for me at the station which was really sweet.

Look who was caught on picture today, Emil! I have gotten really good at taking photos for the blog, but they usually don't have anything to do with the post. But what the heck. Look at that hat, I want a new one! If I could only find my favourite hat and my suspenders, then my wardrobe would be complete..

Turning to face what you've become, Buried the ashes of someone

This is what it looks like when me and Erik are trying to study. This was filmed maybe a month ago though. The only reason why to wear that hat is simply because when you have it on your head you can't fall asleep. We almost always study with hats on just because otherwise we would lean against the table and probably fall asleep.

I won't let myself cause my heart so much misery

I forgot to tell you about my weekend, well here it is:

Friday: I spent almost the entire day and afternoon in school due to the movie project and guess what, we got nowhere... Wooooho!  When we gave up after hours spent trying to figure out the editing part I went home, had a sandwich and later went to Jenny's to watch a movie with Amanda and Andrea. We saw 8 mile with Eminem, a pretty good film. So intense.

Saturday: I woke up early and did some math before I met up with Ida a little after 11 a.m. We went boxing as a workout! It was actually a lot of fun and I am feeling so sore, my legs are aching but I love it. I love feeling sore after having worked out, It means that you did your best. I went home and took a shower and met up with Teo to study math at a cafe. It went really well even though we later realized that we didn't get as much work done as we thought. It got a little bit stressful towards the end and I had to run to meet my family as we were going out for dinner. It was some sort of Asian buffet and it was delicious.

Around 9 o'clock I met up with Teo and we went to his house. He showed me what he called "spökvägen", a trail with no lights along the water that leads to his house. Really pretty. We watched two movies, Sherlock Holmes and the Exorcism ( hrm, I think that was the name). The first one was really good (No, I haven't seen it before) and the last one was really scary (too scary). After that it was a little too late and a little too freaky to go home, so I spent the night a little spontaneously. We stayed up way too late though, 6 a.m. Haha.

Sunday: Woke up early due to that I thought we would try to complete the movie project. Fun. As the day progressed I assumed that it probably wouldn't happen so we cooked pancakes (delicious) and did math instead. I got home around 5 p.m, and fell asleep almost as soon as I could. Haha.

It was a really nice weekend. :)
(ps: Förlåt, internskämt)

 I brist på andra foton tänkte jag visa hur det ser ut när jag ska ta bilder till bloggen. Dom tio första misslyckas alltid och ser ut något i stil med bilden ovan.

I can breathe for the first time

I don't know what to say about this day. I was in a pretty good mood all day even though my tiredness. Maybe it was because me and Emelie had a deal that we were supposed to smile all day long (I forgot towards the end though). When you smile if you are feeling down you automatically get happy because you brain senses your smile and associates that with good memories and times when you have actually smiled. That our brain does that proves to be very true. Who haven't listened to a song that brings you back to the same place and gives us the same emotions as when you first heard it? Nobody can trick us better than ourselves, we just need to know how to.

And just a side note, who haven't heard that a smile is contagious? If you smile to someone, they cannot resist in smiling back, right? So with that said, make yourself happy and the others around you. Turn that frown upside down. :))

I think these two pictures tell a lot of what type of day this was. Hahha.

En utomjordings kärlekstörst, En undran vem som svek vem först

Kent. I don't know anything about that band. Somehow I thought that I had never heard of them and automatically put them together with Thåström, Lars Winnerbäck etc etc. But the other day I went on spotify and listened to Kent. I realized and came to the conclusion that I've heard surprisingly many of their songs and that during a few occasions I've been completely obsessed with them too. I just never knew it was Kent.

And while we are talking about music I might as well add that I've started to update the "song of the freaking week page" again.

I am feeling a moment slip away

Lisa funderaren är tillbaka. Vad gör jag nu då? Lite metaforiskt sådär kan vi säga att jag precis har klivit av tåget. Jag står en bit bort från stationen, tittar mig omkring. Står det någon och väntar på mig runt hörnet? Ska jag chansa, ska jag gå dit och kolla eller riskerar jag att hamna i en återvändsgränd och bli tvungen att gå tillbaka? Jag kommer på hur mycket jag ogillar hörn, jag ser inte om det står någon där förens jag har gått hela vägen fram. Tåget har åkt för länge sedan men jag vet att det kommer komma ett nytt tåg och ta mig till nya destinationer om jag vill. Det svåra är att bedöma vilken station det är värt att hoppa av på. Nu står jag i mitten, mellan stationen och hörnet. Var det ens värt att hoppa av? Med små steg vänder jag mig om och börjar gå tillbaka, tåget kommer snart. Innan jag återigen kliver på kastar jag en sista blick över axeln, fanns det någon runt hörnet som ville stoppa mig?

Så här kan det se ut när jag funderar, lilla Dennis i famnen. Vet dock inte vad som hände med hans öga..

I am not afraid to take a stand, everybody come take my hand

Yesterdays graduation party was a lot of fun. We started out at Hellströms and later went to "ett ställe" where the party took place. Jenny, Ullis, Amanda, Andrea, Emma, Nicole, Julia and me all together, that combination has never happened before, but I was happy. Almost all my closest friends at the same place at the same time. I love when that happens. I know that I told you last night, (and it is a little dorky to say this on the blog again) but I love you and I don't know what I would do without you. <3

Oh, and Amy Winehouse was more difficult than I thought it would be. I knew the hair was going to be a difficult task, but not that it would be that hard. Walking out the door yesterday evening I felt like a russian hooker with a red headband. Otherwise I actually liked the eye makeup. That is something that I might start doing when I am going out on other occasions. Hehe.

Free love on the streets, but in reality it ain't that cheap

Woooph. I'm on fire. Just finished my biology lab report and I still have energy so I wonder if it is smart to do some math now too? But it is getting late, and the graduation party is tomorrow. Maybe I should rest and go to bed? I am sooooooo excited for tomorrow! It will be so much fun and I can barley wait. Amy Winehouse, here I come. I'll buy black haircolor spray, fake tattoos and wear a black dress with small dots and heels. I don't know how much Amy that is, but whatever. "I am going to rehab", that's all I know about her and I'm not only talking about her song.

I know that I need to make the eye makeup more intense and that the dot (birthmark) is on the wrong side. :P